this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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