i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
