I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
