4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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