Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
