there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
