): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
