i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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