if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
