Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
