If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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