I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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