I heard we made out
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
