You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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