im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
