If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
