I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
