I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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