When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
