is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
