when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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