Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
