having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
