i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
