I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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