Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
