I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
