imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
