i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
