Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
