you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
