just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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