Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
