the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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