This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
