you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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