u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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