I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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