so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
