Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
