Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
