Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
