I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
