just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
