I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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