your parents love me but you hate me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
