I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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