can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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