I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
