My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
